I'm disturbed

It is 521am

I woke up and pee 21 minutes ago, I was very sleepy and thought will fall asleep immediately after I pee. Guess what, 21 minutes later I'm sitting in front of my laptop, which is right now at this moment.

I couldn't sleep

I couldn't sleep

I so wanna slap myself

I so wanna fuck myself

What the fuck is happening to me?

I hate myself

I used to be a very determined person, I used to be
But today I'm scared, I'm panicked

I woke up realised I have changed a lot,
I'm no longer the person I knew for years,
I'm no longer doing things that I made myself promised,
I'm no longer a determined person

This feelings sucks

I want to cry, but it won't help

There is something I wanted to do since 2007, but I always have a lot of excuses and reasons, say

"next time" "tomorrow" "not now"

I told a lot of people I want to/must do it, but did I do any single things to make it happen?
No
I didn't
I didn't do anything to make it happen



Since when I became someone like this?
Today is 25th of October, 2008. I want to make this date different


From now on, I want to make "it" happen, and I'm not telling the whole world what I want this time.

Sometimes...you won't do the things that the whole world knows, at least I'm this kind of person

YOU, I know I will get you!

-<3